Senior Dating

People over 50 who decide to use online dating are understandably anxious. They most likely have been in long-term relationships until recently and feel a lack of confidence at getting on the dating scene again. Here’s the good news – nervousness is entirely normal. It can actually enhance your experience, especially when it prompts you to look ahead. You can overcome the hesitation that comes with anxiety by planning ahead using these seven rules to guide you.

1. Don’t postpone the first date.

Sometimes there is a temptation to delay meeting face-to-face by carrying on e-mails for a month or more and then maybe talking on the telephone for several weeks. This is often a mistake because you build up expectations that are likely to be dashed when you meet in person. Let’s face it; internet dating is a numbers game. The person you liked online may not work out when you meet them. You are most likely going to have to meet a great many people before you find gold. In my own case, I have twice found a long-term relationship through online dating. In both cases, I met twenty people over a four month period before I found the person I wanted for a serious relationship. So don’t put too much emphasis on any one date. The best rule when you find someone you like is to set a date within four e-mails. Delaying that first meeting will not cause the anxiety to go away and building false expectations may make that meeting less pleasant that it would otherwise have been.

2. Prepare conversation starters.

When you are nervous, it is natural to fear that you will not have anything to say. This one can be handled by thinking ahead. Are there some points in the other person’s profile you would like to ask about? Are there some things they said by e-mail that you would like to hear more about? These questions can easily be conversation starters. They also show your interest in the other person and get them to talking about themselves. Next thing you know they will be asking you questions that you will answer spontaneously – and the conversation will be off and running.

3. Insure a comfortable environment.

Make sure you feel comfortable about the place you meet. It is best to meet in the afternoon at a restaurant or coffee shop where conversation can be free and easy. Meeting for a drink can also work as long as you are not competing with loud music in a noisy bar. You want to find a place where you can sit and talk for at least half an hour or so without being under constant pressure to keep ordering drinks.

4. Dress business casual.

You want to make a good impression on your first date without being too dressy. Business casual is usually a good idea. Senior women especially appreciate it when a man dresses nicely and not too casually. Wearing jeans and a t-shirt with sneakers is too informal for most seniors on a first date.

5. Insure safety.

One cause for anxiety among women is their need to be concerned for safety when first meeting someone. This calls for advanced planning to take into consideration some common sense practices. First of all, both parties should drive separately to the date location and neither should get in the other’s vehicle to drive somewhere on the first date. It is a good idea for the woman to let a friend know where, when, and who she is meeting. Sometimes women will feel safest if they find an opportunity to go to the Ladies Room and call their friend on the cell phone to let them know that everything is OK. Women should take whatever precautions they feel are necessary to help them relax and feel safe. Communicating with a friend about the date and carrying a cell phone will usually put a woman at her ease.

6. Maintain privacy.

Online dating services make it possible to communicate without revealing your last name, telephone number, or home address to someone. Both parties should be careful to keep that information private until two or three dates have built a reasonable sense of trust. Maintaining privacy can ease worries of either party that they may be the target of scams or stalking.

7. Don’t evaluate the date in person.

Sometimes one party will try to set up date number two before date number one is over. It is usually a good idea to resist saying whether you want to meet again until after the date. You may feel the date was a bust and not want to say so face-to-face. It is often best to wait until reflection tells you whether you want to see someone again and share your evaluation of how the first date went through e-mails to each other.

Following these rules should help you deal with the normal anxiety that seniors experience when they begin online dating. First dates are exciting events and can be very enjoyable and productive. Don’t put them off!

Gordon Scott Edwards is the author of the memoir Internet Safari, Finding Love Online at 65. More online dating tips for senior citizens can be found on his website at http://www.gordonscottedwards.com.